‘The Yellow Dress’ brings domestic violence into focus Published Oct. 30, 2009 By Kimberly L. Wright Air University Public Affairs MAXWELL AIR FORCE BASE, Ala. -- Airmen and civilians received an unflinching look inside the dynamics of a relationship gone wrong during the Maxwell and Gunter presentations of "The Yellow Dress" Oct. 21 and 22 as part of the base's observance of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. The performance, a one-woman monologue, didn't rely on elaborate costumes or complicated sets to make its point. The play's only props were a microphone and a stool on which two dresses laid. The protagonist, Anna, established a friendly connection with the audience, asking their advice about which dress she should wear to an upcoming dance and whether or not she should warn her ex-boyfriend Ricky's new girlfriend about him. Anna described how she met Ricky and the joyous beginning of her relationship with Ricky, whom she thought was "a sweet guy" who bought her flowers and presents. But after the initial courtship phase, her beau began exhibiting abusive, controlling behavior, which Anna shared through the retelling of several disturbing incidents. The relationship devolved into a caustic brew of emotional, physical and sexual abuse that Anna was ultimately unable to escape. Due to the sensitive subject matter of the play, counselors were on hand for anyone needing to talk. After the performance, the actress, Rydia Q. Vielehi, led a discussion, describing some of the behavioral warning signs as seen in the play, as well as the ways bystanders can intervene when a relationship turns abusive. "Dating violence transcends all boundaries," she said. "Emotional abuse lasts for years." Ms. Vielehi noted that victims often stay with abusers for several reasons: because of love, fear, hope that the victim can change the abuser, because the abuser has destroyed the victim's self-esteem or because the victim thinks that relationships are supposed to be this way. "Love is a very powerful emotion. It makes people do crazy things," she said. Friends can help both the victim and abuser break the cycle of abuse, said Ms. Vielehi. "Talk to her and listen," and tell the victim about outside sources that can help them deal with their situation. She recommended carefully trying to talk to the abuser. "Sometimes abusers don't even realize what they're doing is wrong," she said, perhaps because that's how they saw their parents behave. She also noted that abuse often creates new abusers, with victims themselves turning abusive in future relationships. "It's important to get help for the victim and abuser," she said. In cases of relationship violence, breakups can be the most dangerous time. "It can take between four and nine interventions to get someone to break up with them," she said. She also noted that although the victim in this case was a woman, "it happens to guys, too," and they are often afraid to come forward because of the shame they feel for being in such an emasculating situation. "Support and watch out for your guy friends, too," she cautioned. Beverly S. Lesyea, family advocacy officer with the Family Advocacy Program, emphasized the importance of being part of a friends' support system. "Be good wingmen," she said. "Know your friends. Know who your friends are dating." Derrick Sanders, chief of the Airman and Family Readiness Center's Family Support Branch, found the play "powerful and sobering. To see and feel what goes on in this situation is eye-opening. I think it was awesome that we were able to present this to our young Airmen." Col. Chris Sharpe, the vice commander of the 42nd Air Base Wing, encouraged those assembled to take the production's lessons to heart. "I hope none of the things depicted here will ever happen to you," he said. Deana's Educational Theatre was launched in 1994 in memory of Deana Brisbois, a Massachusetts woman who was a victim of relationship violence in 1993. The play is altered as needed for different audience groups, and has been shown to schools, colleges, the military and communities across the U.S. and abroad. The company also performs other shows that address bullying and harassment. A graduate of Massachusetts Institute of Technology from Mequon, Wis., Ms. Vielehi has been performing with the theatre for more than two years. Despite the disturbing subject matter of "The Yellow Dress," the important message she is conveying inspires her. "I guess I kind of look at it as you're trying to help people rather than entertain people," she said. "It's nice. ... Sometimes people come up to you and say thank you for sharing their story." For more information about how to combat domestic violence, contact the Family Advocacy Program at 953-5430/5055, the victim advocate at 953-5551, cell 430-8459, or after hours at 430-8457. In addition, the resources at Military OneSource are available by 1-800-342-9647 or www.militaryonesource.com.